The Good, the Bad…

Tuesday May 16. So we have some good news and we have some bad news. What do you want to hear first? Bad!Bad! We want bad news first! Okay little Timmy sit down. We will have the good news first and go stand in the corner.

We took our Peugeot Sonic out for a spin to the Chateau Chenonceaux. Another stone edifice paying homage to days gone by. (Obviously the ride up there will be covered in the bad portion of the tale). Well things started out great with free parking when we arrived, wahoo. Manicured grounds led up to the ticket/gift shop area where you get a small sliver of view of the castle. Impressive for sure nonetheless. This castle dates to the 1600s and had a long history of influential bankers and strong-minded women who would determine it’s final layout and purpose. I won’t get into the history but it is worth turning to Wikipedia to get the real skinny on the structure.
Walking up the long lane there was signage to the left that said MAZE with an arrow pointing to an elaborate and very large area of shrubbery about 7 ft high which stretched for several acres.  My first inclination was to tackle the challenge and spend a few minutes reaching the prize somewhere in it’s midst. What could go wrong I bemused? Then Carol reminded me that I often get lost walking up to the mailbox and we only had 5 hours until closing time.  Killjoy.

I will summarize the experience in a few sentences and start by saying it was magnificent!  Unlike the previous day’s chateau this was stunningly preserved and filled with awe–inspiring art, tapestries, and grandeur. Every room and hallway had fabulous floral creations that would make any bloom lover giddy.  The period furniture was restored, crockery, and even the copper pots and pans in the palatial kitchens were amazing.  It made Chambord look like a hunting lodge.

Pictures, pictures, everyone asks for pictures, but go online and search Chenonceaux and you will see better versions of the same shots that we took minus the nose-picking and gangam-style poses that I’m apt to do.  Anyways,  I’ll give this castle thing another chance in the future after what was observed today.  But I’m definitely done with churches and cathedrals.  The guy with the pointy hat has enough money that he doesn’t need me to feed his cause anymore.

That’s about it for the good; now the bad.

The 3 of us started the trip to the countryside well enough. James had formulated a straightforward route that took us through town through a few roundabouts and off we went following the Loire River to our left and soon we were doing 90 kmh being passed by everyone and his grandmother. No shame in that especially since the speed limit was 70.  But then, James was leading us into the hinterland where the roads were winding with tall grasses right at roads edge which made seeing beyond 20 meters difficult. Then suddenly we were upon a cyclist hogging 6 inches of the insanely narrow roadway and then another and another. Where yesterday’s hazards were race car drivers today’s obstacles were Henri the bicyclette twits. Did they not know what my deductible costs would be after removing them from my grille?

Soon we were nearing the picturesque town of Amboise and after a circuitous route we found a parking spot that appeared to have no cost. Very lucky indeed as it seemed everyone else was having to pay for their spots. We wandered on foot past many interesting shops mostly catering to women’s clothing and many, many shoe stores. It was a delightful stroll but I remarked how very narrow these streets were in the original part of town… hmm, where will this lead to?

We enjoyed an excellent lunch and started to make our way back to the car, or at least it’s general direction. One last diversion; I spotted a very unique shop that had a full-sized boar in the window. It was stuffed in a threatening pose and I was intrigued as I had never actually seen one previously. I entered the shop and it was filled with firearms especially shotguns used for hunting  (they were too large for robbery so hunting was my second choice). Both the proprietor and his female staff member were consumed with their phones so a video playing on a large screen caught my eye. It began with a wonderfully detailed shot of a coyote or small wolf running through the trees of which they had all been denuded from about 10 feet from the ground so it was easy to spot the animal as it zigzagged to and fro. A wonderful beast for sure. In the next frame you were peering over the shoulder of a camouflaged hunter holding one of these remarkably beautiful shotguns aimed skyward. He was standing on a wooden platform about 4 feet off the ground and you could see the animal hurrying in his direction almost as if it was his pet. It came closer and closer until it was almost nose to nose with the barrel of the gun and BOOM the animal gave up half it’s head and somersaulted about 20 feet in reverse.  I shielded my eyes and went fleeing outside to the safety of optical shops and coiffures. I felt I had witnessed a murder! In retrospect though the animal must have been one twig short of a thicket and wasn’t destined for retirement anyways. But what pride could the hunter have had when he could have dispatched it with a mallet? With no face left his only other recourse would be to hack off its tail and mount it to his antenna.

Off to find the car. The car is white as are 61 % of all cars worldwide because white is the cheapest color to apply and therefore a favourite of most rental car companies, students, and the elderly. You remember the getting lost going to the mailbox story? Being color blind also makes any light-colored vehicle look similar to my eye and the Sonic is as plentiful in Europe as STDs are to a fraternity house. Carol has been letting me down lately with her early onset of wine dishevelement disease and her memory is on a par with my color neutrality. Did I mention that our hearing is on the outs too? It was then that I noticed that all the people near where we thought we parked young Sonic all had parking permit stickers on their dashboards. Tow trucks prowl the tourist areas like Melissa McCarthy circles a buffet table, constantly. My heart sank. What would happen to poor James? The car would be stripped and James proferred out to a thrift store. I am such an incompetent! Oh no, wait, there’s the car right where we left it partially on the sidewalk and partially on the gravel just like every Frenchman parks. And no ticket! One minute I’m devastated and the next euphoric as I managed to save the 2€ parking cost. Thank you Jesus, I will put it into the next cathedral collection plate that I come across. (Everyone knows Jesus hates Catholics so I’m just going to keep it after all).

I realize this is becoming rather lengthy but bear with me as we’re just a few hundred words from the finish line. So you heard we made it to our destination with no further problems. But the return trip was a white knuckle ride as James decided to have a bit of a giggle with us by choosing the scenic route back  (seriously, the GPS was set to scenic route…WTF ? ) We were taken through the most rural areas you could imagine. The GPS shows the name of every street or highway that you’re on no matter how obscure but now it was just showing ROAD at the top. The fields were high with grain and grass and the narrow roads  (with oncoming traffic) were microscopic. Stop for a minute, go outside, look at your driveway, now take 2/3 away and what you have left was what we had to play with. There better not be any Henri bicyclette twits ahead! Anyways to keep a long story long we eventually made it home, only circled the 4 block radius around our Bnb twice  (a new record) looking for a space, parked and cracked open a bottle of wine.

Tomorrow we bid adieu to James and relinquish our Sonic.  Happy trails to all and thanks for your indulgence.